The Anime Laws of Physics

Yes, anime does have laws of physics.  Of course, the laws of physics that your favorite anime characters work with are not at all similar to the mundane laws of physics that we face every day.  Also, they involve less math.  I plan on outlining all 46 of the well-known laws of anime physics for you, but today’s lesson will cover only the first ten. Thanks to Ryan Shellito and Darrin Brigh for these hilarious items.  (I’ve taken the titles of their Laws and expounded on them just a tad.)

First Law of Anime Physics: Law of Metaphysical Irregularity

The first law of anime physics is perhaps the most important.  In anime, normal laws of physics do not apply.  The laws of anime physics are also not always constant.  They are ever changing on the whims of what can only be assumed to be an angry god of anime.  (Yes, obviously in anime the laws of physics are governed by a god and it is angry.  Don’t ask why.)

Second Law of Anime Physics: Law of Differentiated Gravitation

Whenever something jumps, is thrown, or otherwise rendered airborne, gravity is reduced by a factor of four.  It would seem that gravity retains a sense of normalcy while things are on the surface of the earth, but even a mere two inches off the ground can have strange effects on the gravity in the general area.  Perhaps this phenomena could be harnessed in ways that would be beneficial to society!  Or perhaps we could just keep watching small schoolgirls toss their peers fifty feet in the air.

Third Law of Anime Physics: Law of Sonic Amplification

In space, loud sounds like explosions, are even louder because there is no air to get in the way.  Now, in the real world, this lack of air would only have an effect on the speed of which the sound reaches someone’s ears.  Not so in anime worlds!  Obviously in the world of anime, the air has the ability to absorb some decibels of sound.  So in space, that isn’t a problem!

Fourth Law of Anime Physics: Law of Constant Thrust

In space, constant thrust equals constant velocity.  There’s none of this needless complicated math for spaceship travel in anime.  As long as those bright lights at the back of the ship are on and there’s thrust, your trust space vehicle will keep right on trucking along past planets and asteroids alike!

Fifth Law of Anime Physics: Law of Mechanical Mobility

The larger a mechanical device is, the faster it moves. Armored Mecha are the fastest objects known to human science.  I mean, just look at that Gundam!  In our world, it would be a bulky machine that would move so slowly, it would hardly be worth it.  But these immense mechanical devices, regardless of whether or not that pesky decibel-nomming air is around them, can move as almost supersonic speeds and whip guns out of their chests and shoulders at the drop of a hat!

Sixth Law of Anime Physics: Law of Temporal Variability

Time is not a constant.  In anime, time is a very fluid and fickle thing.  Time stops for the hero whenever he does something ‘cool’ or ‘impressive’. Time slows down when friends and lovers are being killed and speeds up whenever there is a fight.  The time it takes to lead up to a kiss is always much longer than the duration of the kiss.

Seventh Law of Anime Physics: Law of Temporal Mortality

Good guys and bad guys alike die one of two ways in anime, either so fast that they don’t see it coming, or so slowly that the character gains insight on the nature of good and evil, the workings of the world, and why toast always lands butter-side down.

Eighth Law of Anime Physics: Law of Temporal Mortality (Second Subsection)

It takes some time for bad guys to die, regardless of how much physical damage they have been dealt.  Even if the bad guy has been killed so quickly he did not see it coming, it takes time for him to realize he is dead.  Scholars believe this is because evil has a direct impact on the Reality Lobe of the brain.

Ninth Law of Anime Physics: Law of Dramatic Emphasis

Scenes involving extreme amounts of action are depicted with either still frames or black screens with a slash of bright color (usually red or white).  This is because action in the world of anime happens so quickly, it is hard for those of us in the real world to see.  This has a direct correlation with the Law of Temporal Variability.

Tenth Law of Anime Physics: Law of Dramatic Multiplicity

Much like the Law of Dramatic Emphasis, the Law of Dramatic Multiplicity is really there for those of us not in the anime world.  Because action happens so quickly, any important scene that happens once will be seen from at least three different angles to help those of us with a linear sense of time see what’s going on.

Those are the first ten laws of anime physics! Stay tunes for the next installment~